I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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