i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
