Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
