Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
