a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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