twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
