Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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