We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
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I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
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Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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