alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
