im six kinds of drunk right now
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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