I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
