the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
