OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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