sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
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