these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
