He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
