why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
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Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
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I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.