I'm jealous of your bromance
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
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its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
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I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.