it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"