I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
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laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
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She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.