I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
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Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
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then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.