Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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