I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
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he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
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I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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