Having a random hookup so left but love u
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
