i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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