Whoa Z and x make the same sound
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
