I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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