just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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