see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
