its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
