tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Randomize
