everyone is single if you try hard enough
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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