Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
