So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction