don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out