There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
