Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.