i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
either way he was missing a nipple.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
