I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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