i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Also, beer. Big fan.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Randomize
