you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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