I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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