porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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