Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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