some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Randomize