my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
