I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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