Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I got chris browned last night
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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