I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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