I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
