i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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