I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
