he wants to bone in the snuggie
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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