She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
