my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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