took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
