There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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