Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
