This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i barfeds in our rink
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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