How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
