Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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