I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
