I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
