not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
His nipple licking is glorious
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