I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
We are two peas in an std pod
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
