Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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