We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
