dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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