Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
