Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
