I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
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Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
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I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
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