if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
