Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
